This Holy Thursday, 17th April 2014, I was intent on spending one hour in adoration instead of the hurried minutes I had spent in all the previous years. The ambience after mass was perfect when the lights were dimmed in the Church of Divine Mercy, Penang and the solemn voice of our parish priest, Father Martin came through, inviting all present to spend one hour with the Lord.
I didn’t really know what to do or say so I started with praise and thanksgiving for all the blessings I had received. To my dismay, that took me less than 5 minutes and I wondered what I was supposed to do with the remaining 55 minutes!
Then I remembered what I had learnt at the recent Oremus Catholic prayer program, so I invited Jesus to take over because I didn’t know what to do next. I closed my eyes in the stillness of the church and suddenly, a laughing Jesus was sitting in front of me holding both my hands!
I had never imagined Jesus in that light before. He took me through all the good moments in my life, some forgotten, some very impossible dreams I have had and how it was ALL realized. I had come to believe that these achievements were due to my efforts.
As He gazed at me, I saw His hand in every happy moment of my life. I felt so loved and I was amazed that I was so important to Him. It was as if the one purpose in His life was to make me happy. We were both laughing as we recalled the good times. I glanced at my watch – half an hour had gone by and I didn’t want this feel good moment to go.
Then he started to take me to the moments that were not so happy. I flinched, blocking out that phase. The only sorrow I allowed Him to show me was the death of my mother at a young age. Like a loving father, He did not force the other sad moments onto me.
He then asked me a strange question – ‘Why can’t you be your true self instead of mirroring the behavior of those around you?’ I did not understand this, so I asked Him to teach and guide me to be the person that He wanted me to be.
Jesus than asked me another question using these exact words, “Will you carry my light for all to see?” I was almost groaning up to the point he said ‘carry’ because I had always associated ‘carry’ with the cross and I really wasn’t prepared to do anything difficult. I don’t remember replying to His request because I was focused on the cross.
Soon it was time for Him to go to Gesthamane. I asked His permission to spend the hour of prayer with Him and He said, “Yes”.
What happened next is beyond my wildest imagination. There is no way that I could have forced this scene on my own without the stroke of the Master story-teller Himself.
At the end of that hour, I realized that I was no longer in that particular spot with Him. Instead I found myself with a group of people outside. I saw myself pointing Jesus out to them. At that horrendous moment, I realized that it wasn’t Judas but I who had betrayed Him in the garden of Gesthamane!
My heart was beating fast and I realized that my one hour of adoration was up. I quickly went out of the church as I felt I had to speak to Father Martin or someone about what had happened to me. He was with my sister and a few others who were all intrigued with the newly renovated grotto. I convinced myself that they would think I was a fanatical fruitcake, so I joined them in admiring the new waterfall and pond. Looking back, this behavior had what prompted Jesus to ask the very first question He had put to me!
When I returned home, I kept playing the experience in my mind and then promptly fell asleep. The next morning as I was praying, the scene kept flashing again. I quickly jotted it down, lest I forget or distort any part of it. I was still in state of heightened awareness of my experience. I shared it with my children, but the words didn’t quite come out the way I wanted it to as I had difficulty controlling my emotions and my tears.
I promised myself that I would write it out and share it with others, but a little voice kept creeping in trying to convince me that not only will they be skeptical but they will also think that I had a vivid imagination and nothing else.
I fought this conflicting urges for 12 days. Today, Tuesday, the 29th April I received an unexpected phone call from a woman I have never met or talked to. For over 2 years, I have been helping people write testimonies for the Chapel of Immaculate Conception in Sungai Batu. I wanted badly to write the powerful story of healing of Diane’s daughter. We had communicated via SMS for appointments to meet or talk over the phone but it kept on being postponed.
Diane’s call without prior notice was a surprise indeed and she herself could not explain why she chose to call. We talked for a long time. I was balancing my phone and frantically jotting down her spiritual journey when she suddenly quoted Matthew 5:14-16. I froze immediately and then blurted out in disbelief, “Why are you telling me this?”
Diane was taken aback, so I related to her what I had experienced on Holy Thursday.
‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a mountain cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and covers it;instead it is put on a lampstand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way your light must shine before others, so that they may see the good you do and praise your Father in heaven.’ Matthew 5:14-16
After getting a direct hit from the Lord himself, I sat down and wrote out this testimony so that ‘it can give light to everyone’. God bless